It’s no secret that it’s quite an ordeal to bring new life into the world. Whether you have watched documentaries on YouTube or have seen actors portraying the efforts of labour in a movie, you are pretty much mentally prepared for the pain. Well, you should be anyway. Personally, I hardly remember a damn thing about labour except for the pain but obviously it wasn’t bad enough to stop me for going back for another round. I’m convinced that the memory of labour fades once you see your baby and that’s what makes mums go back a second, third or fifteenth time (by then they walk out on their own, I think). From what I can remember, I know that there were a few things that made me stop and realise no one told me or warned me that that certain thing would happen. Even after birth I was getting needles and weird socks that I wasn’t aware was part of the process.
Knowing that every pregnancy and labour/birth is different I asked some of my fellow mother’s in my many, many…many Facebook mum groups what happened to them during labour that they wish they were told about prior to the big day. I was overwhelmed with responses about this and it made me want to write about it even more because every mum who has gone through this experience was once a first time mum with little to no idea about some of these things. I feel an obligation to share these responses and any personal experience I had with it to educate anyone who feels lost about what will happen during labour and post birth.
Dear First Time Mum, Love from the Clueless Mum,
Poop I got a-million-and-one comments on my posts about mum’s pooping while pushing so I will just get it out of the way first because this is real life, people. I honestly don’t know if I did or not but the last thing on my mind at the time was to care about poop. News flash, if you’re putting that much pressure and bearing down that hard on those muscles there’s a chance of it happening. Coincidentally, when pushing your baby out it actually does feel similar to doing a number 2. It’s the most awkward feeling in the world, but this poop is a good poop – it’s a baby!
“…it felt like I gave birth out of my ass” – I completely relate to the lady that commented this! Then they tell you that you have a second degree tear and 10 minutes later you have a vagina full of stitches and you are 100% certain of where your baby came from now.
Midwives will usually get rid of it before you notice you have done it anyway. You aren’t the first and I can guarantee you will not be the last.
While we are on the subject of pooping. Your first bowl movement will become so important to midwives and you will find yourself being very open and weirdly okay with discussing the texture and how frequently you poop. They have seen you at your worst so talking about your bowel movement is probably the least awkward thing you will do that day. Just a bit of helpful reassurance, when you do attempt your first poop you aren’t having another baby, it just feels like it. I recommend stool softeners to help yourself out with that. If you think it’s too embarrassing to buy them just make it worse for yourself and buy copious amounts of pads or adult nappies and get it all out of the way at once. Oh, Ural. Buy some of that too! It takes the acidity out of your pee so it won’t burn with the fire of a thousand suns when you need to pee after birth. And yes, it hurts that much. Pee in the shower if you can, you have my permission.
Contractions They hurt, I bet that shocks you. Unfortunately there is no set schedule that contractions stick by and they can be all over the place, really far apart or incredibly close together.
“Mine were short sharp and irregular during the whole labour…I would have a 2 minutes apart and then not another for 10 minutes”
Another lady writes, “…contractions can be 1-2 minutes apart the entire time even when you’re nowhere near ready to birth”. I personally didn’t time mine once I was at the hospital so I have zero idea if mine were regular or not, but I remember there was a lot of them!
“…it is possible to not have a break with contractions”. Yep.
My own little contribution to contractions is they don’t stop after your baby is out! You have the same painful contractions to birth the placenta as well. It’s just lucky that you have your adorable baby to distract you while you go through mini-birth again. Oh and if your placenta won’t come away on its own you will get an injection in your leg and a midwife or doctor will literally stick their entire arm up your hoo-ha to try pull it out. Yep. Mine came on its own, thank god. The afterpains, especially if you are pumping or breast feeding will feel just as bad as contractions as well. This is your uterus shrinking back down to its original (or close enough to original) size. It sucks, it honestly does. A few ladies actually commented on how the after pains actually get worse with every baby you have – so I have that to look forward to. Great.
Pain Relief I have plenty of feedback in regards to the use of pain relief during labour. Obviously it is completely up to you how you wish to deal with your pain but heaps of mums have heaps of different opinions.
“It doesn’t matter what pain relief you have, it still hurts. I wouldn’t have had an epidural” “All 3 of mine were drug free also. Loved it” “After having one natural birth and one epidural birth. Always always have an epidural” “The gas CAN go up” “Don’t get the epidural because the recovery was worse than my natural birth” “It is possible to do it drug free and feel so empowered after” – I second this one! “Too much gas isn’t good” – I second this one too. So. Much. Vomit. “…take drugs, don’t be a hero, that shit hurts” “…hot water is your friend. If I’m ever crazy enough to do this again, I’m heading straight for the shower”
I think you get the idea. Some are all for it and others prefer natural. Just know that you do have a choice and screw your birth plan. Listen to your body and tell them what you want because things change and you shouldn’t feel guilty because you got pain relief when you said you didn’t want it. Talk to your midwife or your doctor about your options because there are many, many different ways to deal with the pain of labour.
Birth Plans What is a Birth Plan? Nothing about birth goes to plan. I didn’t even write anything or have specific requests during labour purely because I knew that I would know what to do when the time came. I wanted to go in with an open mind and just let it happen. Don’t get me wrong, if you feel strongly enough about something during labour then tell everyone you can so that everyone is aware of your wishes. The most important thing to remember is that it’s okay if you do something you said you never wanted to do – pain changes everything.
Episiotomy No, I didn’t sneeze. I got one and it really freaking sucks. Google says that it’s “A surgical cut made at the opening of the vagina during childbirth”. More like a bloody butchering of your delicate area, if you ask me – and no they don’t numb you before cutting you.
“…they do not numb you, they just cut you with a pair of scissors”
At the time, I didn’t feel it but then for two weeks after it hurts to do just about anything because of the stitches. Nearly a year on and it still hurts. It’s seriously terrible. Obviously if they do perform this horrible task they felt it was medically necessary. Usually if your baby is getting stuck or they think you will tear (it’s easier to stitch a clean cut) they will do it.
“I was literally cut open down there” – same, it sucks but it was necessary at the time.
Ring of Fire It’s like the Johnny Cash song, but it’s not. I am referring to the incredible burning sensation you get when your baby is finally crowning. I remember looking at the midwives and calmly saying, ‘damn, that actually really hurts – wow’. They laughed at me and I wanted to punch them. After that part though, it’s seriously the biggest relief… then the shoulders come. My son got stuck so that was an awesome feeling. I did hear mentions of the ring of fire but you actually don’t remember being told until it is happening and you’re like oh that’s right it gets more painful.
Did I mention you aren’t allowed to use the gas when you’re pushing? They took the mouth piece off me and I cried because that was my only pain relief – and it wasn’t even working for me anyway – BUT STILL.
After Labour Ordeal The last thing you want is to be poked and prodded after birth but for your entire stay at the hospital after you give birth, that’s all the midwives will do. They will massage your aching tummy to feel your uterus and I don’t mean a lovely, relaxing massage. It’s like they are punching you and seeing how hard they can push before you cry. You will also get an injection IN THE TUMMY to help prevent big blood clots and you get to wear these beautiful knee high compression socks that are actually the ugliest things in existence. Speaking of blood clots, whenever you shower or go to the toilet there will be so, so, so much blood. Don’t stress, you aren’t dying but if you have any concerns, make sure you talk to your midwife – just expect what looks like a murder scene.
After all is said and done, you will have your little baby and everything you go through is worth it.
Just remember, there’s no pain relief for parenting!
Goodluck! x